Although dating has changed at a rapid, break neck speed our basic human needs have not. We are all made to be loved unconditionally and to give of ourselves to another human being without reserve, completely. Anyone who says otherwise has had the tragedy of never being loved completely or has had their heart broken in a terrible way.
Love is a great risk, and yet we try and try again until we find that person who is just right for us. As I write this in 2021, many young people are choosing not to marry, are dating numerous people in rapid succession through the use of dating apps, are experimenting with so many flavors of relationships, and yet there is still a large loneliness and a longing for love that can’t quite go away.
This longing for a deep, intimate love is built into the core of our being. Yet with each rejection, each shallow relationship, hurt builds and builds until it explodes and is taken out on either ourselves or others. Is it any wonder that the biggest fear in a relationship is saying the words, “I love you?”
When people are hurt, it’s common to look for answers to our problems. We might see solutions in rejecting all men or women, monogamous relationships, people of a certain socioeconomic group, race, etc. None of these answers really satisfies the heart, however. As much as we are made for love, we are also not made for hate (the permanent, stick-around-forever kind of hate).
With so much instability in modern relationships, people will do anything in a relationship except say “I love you.” That’s because love means something permanent and a big risk. Being in love and declaring your love makes your relationship open to the possibility of rejection and solidifies it into something more than an ethereal passing moment of two lives joined together. It speaks the truth of the heart and of the relationship and how it’s meant to be.
Speaking truth to power in a relationship is always recommended, even if not well-received. It’s important to be honest not just with others, but with ourselves. Hiding who we are and our positive feelings towards others is not good for us or the people around us, especially those we are closest with. It’s better to take a stand in our closest relationships and identify our love for what it is, something beautiful and what is meant to be.