Finding the Feminine after Narcissistic Abuse

Many female victims of narcissistic abuse share stories of how the abuse left them feeling shame around their gender. Some women blame their femininity for the abuse, believing that if they were stronger, tougher, somehow they would be more accepted by the abuser or the abuse wouldn’t hurt so much. Often, narcissists will see very feminine traits in their victims and attack them for what comes so naturally to their victims, that the victims will end up hating their bodies and anything associated with being a woman.

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Here is the truth. Women are by nature, very powerful. However, female power is diffferent from masculine power, and that is totally acceptable. Narcisstic abuse is a lie meant to confuse women and distract female victims from seeing their true power and using it. A woman’s power lies in being who she specifically is and in her friendships with others who are good and willing to allow her to be who she is without trying to destroy her soul. When a woman is able to be truly herself and in positive relationship with others, she changes the world for the better and nothing can stand against her.

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Femininity can come in a variety of different shades. For the recovering victim of narcissism, exploring the feminine side can be an act of rebellion and a way to recover your personal freedom. Some victims were not allowed to clean their homes, wear makeup, or even cry without enduring shame, mental abuse, or emotional outbursts from their partners or family members. Others were not allowed to handle financial matters, plan events, or give directions. The narcissist craves chaos, misdirection, and submission.

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There is no one way to be feminine, but it can be a lot of fun for the recovering victim of narcissism to try out new ways of exploring their feminine side, whether it be riding horses for the first time, wearing an outfit that the partner never would have approved of, investing their money, posting on social media, enjoying an organized home or life, or trying out a new hobby or starting a business. If you have had to hold back for a narcissist that never allowed you to be yourself, don’t wait to explore your feminine side and don’t be surprised at the mixed emotions you might feel as you break free from your chains and discover joy in your life again.

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